Bad bad boys

VANESSA SMEETS

James Dean bad boy

SMOKING HOT: Yip, the ultimate "bad boy" makes you feel smoking hot, only to burn you in the end. PIC: online

At 25, I’ve witnessed dozens of heartbreaks: some my own, some my friends. It all begins in childhood with your “first love:”
At age 10, you suddenly realize you really like your best friend. You hang out all the time. You laugh at all his jokes, even the corny ones.
At age 13, you start wearing make-up in hope he’ll notice you.
At age 16, you have your first drink in hope you’ll lose all inhibitions and finally tell him how you feel. Too late. He ends up making out with one of your good friends and they date till varsity.
In the years apart, he hardly talks to you, as she feels threatened by your friendship. One day, he calls you in the middle of the night: “I made a mistake… I cheated on her.”
You give him the usual advice on honesty and love: “Don’t worry, be honest. Tell her what happened.” She breaks it off before he gets the chance. He calls you now, night after night, in a drunken stupor:

“You’re the only one that truly knows me. I…. I….”

gaspard Ulliel naked truth

NAKED TRUTH: Could you ever be happy with a bad boy as hot as Gaspard Ulliel? Maybe it's time to rethink the long-term effects of living on the edge: unnecessary stress, hassle and heartbreak. PIC: Online

The phone suddenly hangs up. He’s been in a terrible car accident. Luckily, he survives and for days you visit him relentlessly. Your heart breaks to see him so vulnerable and in so much pain.
His eyes open but he has no idea who you are anymore. Maybe he heard your crying or gentle words of love and comfort while he was in a coma.
Okay, this story seems a little over-the-top, yet isn’t this what most girls go through? For years, we try getting the attention of the one guy that made us feel special (even just once). You dote on his achievements, his girlfriends, and his mistakes, only to be told years later that it was all in vain.

At age 18, it’s your Matric Dance/ Prom and you sadly realize he’s going with “her” despite the promise you guys made to each other years ago… Instead, you go on a blind date with your dentist’s son or, God forbid, your distant cousin.
All night, you watch him in the arms of that other girl. That other girl who has no idea why he has a scar above his left eye or what music makes him laugh or tick. They kiss at midnight. You watch and lose yourself in the infatuation that one day it will be you.
At varsity, you finally let go and fall for the bad boy who never comes to class, but always asks for your notes.

“I really need a private tutor,” he tells you with a charming smile.

One guyYou stay late to help him out. Alone in the library, he tries to kiss you. What the hell… You go for it. The next time he finally turns up in class, but completely ignores you.
You go out with your girlfriends and swear you’ll never fall for someone again, yet you end up reminiscing on your childhood sweethearts most of the night. Some have gone bald. Some are fathers. Some have escaped the country in hope of something better.
“Escape,” such a beautiful word. Just as you wonder what happened to your childhood friend, he appears out of nowhere: “Hey beautiful! Remember me? Remember us?”
There’s a slight teasing in his voice that makes you feel uncomfortable. His friends join your friends, happily chatting away; but you two have absolutely nothing to say to each other.

In fact, all you want and need to say is FORBIDDEN TERRITORY:

“I loved you for years and never said a word. I watched you break a dozen hearts, including my own. And now all I have to say is I HATE YOU for wanting my heart, getting it and throwing it away over and over again.”

It’s a question that has bedazzled scientists, psychologists and Sex & the City junkies for years:

Why do women fall for the wrong type?

  • He’s exciting. Fantasizing about someone unattainable is as hot as a night out with a complete stranger. The fantasy out-does the reality no matter what.
  • He’s a natural high. You know you can’t have him, yet watching him and even slightly touching him gets you high.
  • He’s the perfect escape. You’ll always have something to talk about with your girlfriends: how cute he is, who’s his new flame, do you still have a chance…

Cartoon bad boysSorry, ladies, but this guy you claim to love and talk about is a complete waste of time. In the words of Marilyn Monroe: if he didn’t appreciate you in the worst of times, he certainly won’t appreciate you in the best of times.
You’ll just be that girl he can booty-call, have virtual sex with whenever he feels like it or turns to for obvious advice, but completely ignores in real life. Really now? What about that guy you’ve been teasing for years, always turn to and yet ignore when he gets too close? It sucks to be in his place, doesn’t it? Time to break your fantasy and finally unbreak your heart.

There’s no place for you when it comes to you and the bad bad boy’s ego.

The In-Between

VANESSA SMEETS

in between

How much are you putting into a relationship and how much are you getting out of it? PIC: online

You’ve finally met someone. He’s smart, sophisticated and very good looking. You’re not sure whether to tell your friends. After all, you’ve only bumped into him a couple of times at your favourite coffee shop. The last time was different, he finally approached you and asked for your name.

You stuttered at first. For once, you weren’t paying attention and weren’t observing what he was drinking. He sat down at your table. You spoke about your job, your love for Chai tea and your distaste for politics. He even laughed at your witty remarks. Then, suddenly, he looked at his watch and had to leave.

You expected him to ask for your number, but it didn’t happen. The next day, you wear your favourite dress, expecting him to be there. He doesn’t appear for another week. You smile when you see him. He waves, but nothing more.

Have the roles changed: are women the hunters and men playing hard to get?

You expect him to sit with you, but he walks right past and sits in front of you. So close, that you can smell his cologne. You stop staring and carry on reading. He looks at you and smiles. You catch him in the corner of your eye.

Thirty minutes later, he grabs his briefcase. You have to make a decision: ask for his number or let him walk away. He walks slowly past your table.

“Michael!” you shout out, or whatever his name may be. He stops and looks down. You get up. The dress you chose today is embarrassingly creased, so you stay seated.

“Could I get your number?” you quickly finish.

Out of the blue, he sits down.

“I may have given you the wrong impression last time,” he says, smiling. “I don’t want to give you my number. I’d rather ask for yours… but you kind of ruined that now.”

Your heart beats faster, then slows down to an unhealthy pace. He stands up and leaves. Not even a good bye. So, women should be chased after all, you think.

The next two weeks, he doesn’t appear. The waitress leaves you a note the day you give up hope.

It reads: “I changed jobs and, therefore, coffee shops. I miss seeing your smile and seeing you spill a little of your Chai tea as I walk in. Here’s my number…. I never got the chance to ask you first.”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” the waitress says, worried, “He gave this ten days ago. I completely forgot.”

Your heart beats at an incredible pace. You don’t even have to wait to not seem too eager. The waitress gave you a head start.

That night, you thank him by sms for the note. No reply. As you get out of the shower, the phone rings. It’s him. His voice is so much deeper over the phone. You can’t feel your legs. You put on your sexiest phone voice. He giggles: “Stop that! You’re exciting me!”

You ask when you can see him again. He hesitates. He has to go away on business.

“I’ll call you in a week.”

He does. The next day, he appears at your door with a bunch of roses. At the end of the night, he bends down to kiss you. The smell of his cologne makes you dizzy. His lips approach yours. They’re warm. They taste sweet from the evening’s champagne. His tongue slowly touches yours. It’s electric. His hands move from your face to your neck, to across your waist. The kissing lasts three hours.

He smses you for the rest of the night. Suddenly, his shyness disappears. The messages are quite explicit. This carries on for two weeks as he’s off on business again.

You ask him if you can change your Facebook relationship status to “in a relationship.” He hesitates then briskly says, “No!”

It surprises you. He explains that’s not the way he intended in making it official. Gosh, you’ve blown it again. You didn’t let him chase you long enough. The in between is the hardest part of any relationship. As exciting as it is to be touched, kissed and mentally explored, it can get quite frustrating. For most women, it means days of sleepless nights waiting for him to call or ask you out again.

in between

Time to rethink your flirting strategy. PIC: online

Some tips:

  • Spend your time on other things.
  • Remember who you were before you met him.
  • Don’t brag about it to your friends. It may not work out.
  • Write in a book what you would like to say to him, but know may scare him off.
  • Don’t start acting clingy or jealous.
  • Wait for him to do the asking and enjoy this in between. It’s the time you can still be your sexy self, with the knowledge someone does find you extremely attractive.
  • Send him naughty smses, but don’t turn into a “sexting slut.” It may give him the impression that’s all your worth.
  • Have fun every time you do get to see him. He will sleep, dreaming about you.