Playing Russian Roulette

VANESSA SMEETS

“Anyone who cannot cope with life while he is alive needs one hand to ward off a little despair over his fate…but with his other hand he can jot down what he sees among the ruins, for he sees different and more things than the others; after all, he is dead in his own lifetime and the real survivor.” – Franz Kafka

Ever gambled with the idea of suicide? It’s like playing Russian Roulette: the one idea glares at you from the inside of a barrel, ready to be cocked at any second.
To be or not to be: that is the haunting question… It’s a fact that humans all react differently to stress: some freak out, some cry, some get angry and some get increasingly depressed. With the challenges of varsity-life forever increasing – keeping up your good marks, getting your assignments done on time, balancing one’s social life and academic life, fitting in with the crowd and dealing with the making and breaking of intimate relationships, it’s no wonder that suicide is on the increase amongst students.

LAST WORDS: Only 15% of people who've committed suicide leave suicide notes. PIC: Online

Facts about suicide:

• Three times as many men kill themselves as women.
• Three times as many women as men attempt to kill themselves but do not die.
• Suicide is especially frequent amongst psychiatrists, physicians, lawyers and psychologists.
• No other kind of death leaves friends and family with such long-lasting feelings of distress, shame, guilt, puzzlement and disturbance.
• Men usually choose to hang or shoot themselves. Women are more likely to use sleeping pills.
• Suicide ranks second as cause of death amongst varsity students, after car accidents.
• Many more students commit suicide than their peers who do not attend class.
• Hungary and Japan have the highest rates of suicide in the world.

According to Mintz (1968), motivations for suicide may vary: aggression turned inward, efforts to force love from others, efforts to make amends for past mistakes, sexual attraction to members of one’s own sex, the desire for re-incarnation, the desire to rejoin a loved one, the desire to escape from stress, deformity, pain, or emotional vacuum.

Freud agreed with Mintz’s theory on “aggression turned inward” as the most common cause of suicide. He claims:

“When a person loses someone whom he or she ambivalently loved and hated, and introjects that person, aggression is directed inward. If these feelings are strong and murderous enough, the person will commit suicide.”

However, many other scholars have disagreed with Freud, claiming that the majority of suicide notes express affection and gratitude, not hostility. Yet, only 15% of people (statistic of the United States) leave suicide notes.

27 Curse: Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain are just a few musical artists who committed suicide around the age of 27. PIC: Online

According to Durkheim (1897), there are three types of suicide:

Egoistic suicide: when a person has too few ties to society and the community. These people feel alienated from others and cannot function adaptively as social beings.
Altruistic suicide: the opposite of above, is a response to societal demands, where self-sacrifice is seen as an honourable act amongst certain cultures. Examples include freedom fighters in the old South Africa, the hara-kiri of the Japanese and modern-day suicide bombers.
Anomic suicide: when there is a sudden change in someone’s personal relations. public humiliation.
During the 1970s, various tests were done around the world to see how suicide could be controlled. It was found that depression was not as much a cause as hopelessness for one to take his/ her own life. Many genuinely suicidal people believed that nothing would get better in their lives at that present time. Suicidal people were also found to be haunted by a sense of physical disequilibrium, in that they couldn’t control things around them. Such people also had problems in challenging their energy, were more rigid in their approach to problems and less flexible in their thinking.

“Like one who keeps afloat on a shipwreck by climbing to the top of a mast that is already crumbling… from there he has a chance to give a signal leading to his rescue.” – Walter Benjamin (1931)

PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE: A lack of Serotonin (a neurotransmitter involved with 'happy feelings') may cause one to feel depressed and suicidal. PIC: Courtesy Medical Look (online)

How to get rid of suicidal thoughts:

• Stay in contact with your friends and family. Tell them what you are feeling: a problem shared is a problem halved.
• Avoid being alone at all costs.
• Keep active – exercise releases endorphins which make one feel happy.
• Keep busy – watch comedies on TV, listen to uplifting music, go out with friends.
• Genuinely believe you are strong enough – that this too shall pass.
• Avoid negative or pessimistic people in your turmoil – they only pull you down.
• Appreciate and reward yourself by participating in new social groups, charity work or team sport.
• Find a sense of belonging by participating in a religious group who practises your needs and beliefs.
• Join the gym with a reliable friend – this will motivate you to go.
• Contact your campus psychologist (normally free) to talk to if no one else is available.

Important telephone numbers (in South Africa):

The Depression and Anxiety Support Group: (011) 783 1474
FAMSA (for trauma debriefing): (011) 788 4784/5 or (012) 460 0733

Sources:

Davidson, G.C. & Neale, J.M. 1982. Abnormal Psychology: an experimental clinical approach. New York: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Broken wings and puppet strings

VANESSA SMEETS

QUIET PAIN: Domestic violence comes in three forms, emotional, physical and sexual. PIC: online

MEETING THE MONSTER

Jane* doesn’t really remember the first time she was struck by a man. She must have just been three years old when her dad hit her for the first time, for having her elbows on the table while eating.

As she grew up, she was attracted to men with short tempers. They fascinated her. At first, watching them shout at car-guards or beggars was entertaining. But then, it became frightening.
When she and her first love, Dylan, went clubbing one night, she realized she was in love with a monster. She told Dylan about the cleaner who had taken cash out of her bag while they were dancing. His piercing blue eyes turned red with anger. He almost beat the cleaner to a pulp, when he was pulled off by a bouncer.

Jane can’t talk at first when I ask her how it ended. She fidgets with the rims of her skirt.

“I told him I was pregnant. That’s when I saw hatred in his eyes. He stuffed the morning-after pill into my mouth. No water. Just his dry fingers reaching as far as possible into my throat. I bit him then and he slapped me across the face.”

That night, Dylan took her out for dinner. He was completely different. He treated her perfectly, paid her compliments and placed a beautiful necklace around her neck.

DECEPTION

It wasn’t the first time he had struck her for “inappropriate behaviour.” Four months into their dating, she went through his computer and found a list of girls he had slept with. There was a name after hers.

“I tried to hide it for two weeks, but the pain ate me up. I confronted him. At first, he pretended not to know what I was talking about. But then, I asked about each one, one by one. His voice changed. He became like a little boy filled with guilt. He hit me for invading his privacy. Then he apologised and even shed a few tears. I fell deeper for him then.”

The pattern of falling deeper for him the more he failed her continued for two and a half years. She stopped seeing her friends and stopped going to church.

PUPPET MASTER

She became his puppet. He told her how to dress, speak and act and she listened diligently.
“In a sick way, by losing my identity, I thought I was growing closer to him. He was untouchable. He was the most popular guy in our group and I, suddenly, was good enough to be his queen.”

SOLE SOUL: Many abused women feel completely alone and embarrassed to talk about what they are going through. PIC: online

Her hands tremble now as I ask her about the night that changed her life.
“His mother was visiting from overseas. She prepared him and his brother supper, but they never thanked her or showed any affection. I caught her crying quietly and told her: ‘Don’t worry. They love you.’
He was furious: ‘Those are forbidden words in my family! Don’t you ever intervene! You have no business telling her that!’

It was so absurd. He had never spoken to me in that way. He locked me outside on his balcony for two hours. I cried. I screamed. To no avail. After two hours in the cold, he opened the door and yelled: ‘Are you sorry yet?’

‘Sorry for what?’ I whimpered back. His hands tightened around my wrists, which he now placed behind my back. ‘Why don’t you jump?’ he said, while laughing. His hands caressed my neck and back, slowly pushing me to the edge. Believe me, I was tempted to do it. I looked at my life and realized I had nothing left to give.”

RIRI: Domestic violence was brought to light again in 2009, when Pop singer Rihanna was assaulted by her boyfriend Chris Brown. PIC: online

A few months later, Jane was in a mental institution, diagnosed with Psychosis. Her brain couldn’t take any more abuse. Dylan came to visit her regularly with chocolates or flowers.
“You’re not very strong are you?” he hissed one night, as she lay sobbing on his chest. “I can’t be with someone who can’t get up again. Get up! I dare you!”

Jane was on so much medication that she couldn’t tell what was real or not anymore. She saw worms coming out of her veins. She saw animal faces upon everyone that visited her. She called Dylan to share her fears, but he stopped picking up. At times, he would just breathe into the phone.

TEMPTATION: Jane swallowed a cocktail mix of 22 pills on her 22nd birthday, for every year of what her boyfriend called her of "being a burden." PIC: Online

THE FINAL BLOW

Jane became more and more lost in her despair. She finally decided to commit suicide. She swallowed 22 pills on her 22^nd birthday, for every year that she thought she was a burden.
Just in time, the doctors pumped her stomach. The white froth dried up around her lips was the only evidence she had gone to such desperate measures.
She never heard from Dylan again, until Valentine’s Day four months later.

“I’m sorry. I need you. I want you back.”

Instead of falling for the voice she had become so accustomed to, she heard him as the conniving man her soul had once feared, but was now ready to fight. She was finally free. Detectives tried to find him, but he had already left the country. After doing various investigations, they found out that a few of Dylan’s ex-girlfriends were in mental institutions and one had already committed suicide.

Jane stutters as she continues:

“I was lucky enough to make it out in time. Somehow, I got my life back on track. He haunted my dreams for a while, but I refuse to give him any more power. I hope he reads this some day. But, people like that don’t have a heart or conscience. I refuse to ever sacrifice mine again.”

*name has been changed

Signs you’re dealing with a Player	Signs you’ve got a Keeper
- he checks your friends out all the time- he calls to say he misses the action- he makes you feel small and inadequate - he buys you expensive gifts - his phone is on voicemail when you call - he talks about himself 24/7 - he speaks about his exes in derogatory terms - he spends time getting to know your body, saying you’re his favourite	- he checks you out all the time- he calls to say he misses your voice- he makes you feel magical and special - he makes you sentimental gifts - he picks up even when he’s busy - he talks about you 24/7 - he speaks about his exes briefly, with respect - he spends time getting to know your favourite things

Obsession behind the lens

VANESSA SMEETS

MAMA AFRIKA: Finbarr O'Reilly's depiction of famine-stricken Africa won him World Press Photo in 2006. COURTESY: Finbarr O'Reilly/ World Press Photos

There’s something exhilirating in holding your first camera. You feel invincible. People in front of the lens may be smiling, crying, shaking or playing, but you are absolutely still and focused. You wait and watch. There you see it – that split second that makes the photo stand out above the rest. Click.

 

 

Content, you take it home and watch it over and over again on your PC screen. It has a unique story; maybe it was the last tear drop escaping a child’s face as she fell. Or, maybe it was the smile she had as she realised her ice-cream escaped the fall unscathed.

Mr Johann van Tonder, photojournalism lecturer at Stellenbosch University’s Journalism Department, lists the three characteristics that set photojournalism apart: a subject, a subject which stands out and a story told by the picture.

Often, people mistake photojournalism with art. You may take a pretty picture of a child, an insect or a flower, but if it doesn’t tell a story, it is NOT photojournalism.

The best photojournalism picture often has a heart beat. It is able to speak to the viewer. It even has the power to move, intrigue or disgust him/her.

The Bang Bang Club by South Africans Joao Silva and Greg Marinovich captures the thrill, pain and glory (or lack of it) photojournalists go through. Their friend, Kevin Carter, won a Pulitzer prize for his photo of a child stalked by a vulture in famine-ridden Sudan. He was criticized for being insensitive. People in his own profession called him a coward for taking the picture, rather than helping the child. He became increasingly depressed and eventually committed suicide. As Marinovich points out in the book: “That image is engraved and burnt into your mind forever.”

GENIUS: James Nachtwey covered the Bosnian war, amongst others. His black & white technique proved that composition can be more powerful than colour. COURTESY: James Nachtwey

James Nachtwey has similar views in a National Geographic documentary made about him and his work. Nachtwey has been to some of the most war-ridden places in the world. His experiences in Bosnia turned him into an insomniac and recluse. He couldn’t confide in his wife or children. He found solace in taking even more horrific pictures. When his skin began to melt while taking a picture of an explosion, he realised his obsession with the right shot and addiction in getting it was taking over his life.

“Nothing prepares you for the pain afterwards,” says a former Zimbabwean photojournalist. His PC is filled with images of bruised bodies and raw flesh; after ZANU-PF officials threatened him and his colleagues as they tried to get rid of journalists in Zimbabwe.

They were harrassed and beaten; their camera straps used to strangle them.

There’s a price to pay for being a serious photojournalist. It demands determination and courage. It includes long hours, days or years of being in threatening places for a few published pictures. But the best photojournalists know that there is power in their profession. It is the power to paint a more realistic world, one defined by the eyes which were brave enough to look first.

PULITZER PRICE: South African Kevin Carter was criticised for taking a photo of a starving child being stalked by a vulture. Many believe the criticism led to his eventual suicide. COURTESY: Kevin Carter/ archives